Abnormal sunny weather returned to Belgium again and I started to enjoy the autumn there. Another word for autumn is fall, which depicts a scene of yellow leaves falling from trees, swirling in the wind, and gently falling to the ground. In my hometown, there are more evergreen trees, but there is one specific tree called Ginkgo (银杏) which turns all the leaves yellow in autumn. When I was young, my mom worked in a medicine company producing traditional Chinese medicine. She told me that there was one product that used Ginkgo leaves to treat heart-related diseases and laughed at me when I thought they used golden Ginkgo leaves for medicine. When leaves are turning yellow, they are reaching nearly the end of life journey. However, they do provide pleasure for kids and adults like me rustling on fallen leaves. Ginkgo is a tree native to China. No wonder I don't find them in Belgium.
I sat on the bench, bathing under the sunshine, and read the book loveless. I find the relationship between Georgia and Rooney shares some similarities with my relationship with Maria. I mean a relationship in a broad sense, so it is not a romantic or sexual relationship, just a social connection between two people. Georgia is an aromatic asexual while Rooney is a pansexual. In the whole book, they are going through the process of figuring out their sexuality and deepening their friendship. Rooney told Georgia that she was in love with her platonically because she "felt at home around her in a way she had never felt in her fucking life" and that she would like to be her lifelong friend and that she would not let her leave her life.
Georgia, I am never going to stop being your friend. And I don't mean that in the boring average meaning of 'friend' where we stop talking regularly when we're twenty-five because we've both met nice young men and gone off to have babies, and only get to meet up twice a year. I mean I'm going to pester you to buy a house next door to me when we're forty-five and have finally saved up enough for our deposits. I mean I'm going to be crashing round yours every night for dinner because you know I can't fucking cook to save my life, and I've got kids and a spouse, they'll probably come round with me, because otherwise they'll be living on chicken nuggets and chips. I mean I'm going to be the one bringing you soup when you text me that you're sick and can't get out of bed and ferrying you to the doctor's even when you don't want to go because you feel guilty about using the NHS when you just have a stomach bug. I mean we're gonna knock down the fence between our gardens so we have one big garden, and we can both get a dog and take turns looking after it. I mean I'm going to be here, annoying you, until we're old ladies, sitting in the same care home, talking about putting on a Shakespeare because we're all old and bored as shit.
I could relate to Georgia as we only make best friends even though it means that you don't have a lot of friends to hang out with. Also, we are both introverted and shy which means going clubbing is a personal hell. What's more, we had an illusion of romantic love and we crave the concept of love by reading fanfiction, watching movies and TV series. The difference is that unluckily I am a heterosexual and I do get hurt by guys from time to time. The terms for love become complicated nowadays for example situationship. We gradually realize that more and more people stay in the gray zone of "more than a friend" or situationship, which means something beyond a platonic friendship but without a serious commitment. The presupposition of these different stages implies that friendship becomes the second when a serious relationship comes.
However, it is not true. Not guys you are in love with can make you feel at home, but also your best friends. Friendship is more than just normal friends having fun together and is not less than a boyfriend or girlfriend. Friendships form a solid and stable connection that saves your life and heal your pain. Sometimes, romantic love brings excitement and passion, but you also feel lost and insecure. However, with your best friends, you will feel safe and sound and at ease being yourself. For me, the basic standard to fall in love with someone is always to know him very well and consider him my best friend so that I can tell him everything without worrying about being judged. In this sense, for sure Maria is my best friend as I cried multiple times in front of her. I burst into tears when she gave me the birthday present - a history book and told me it was for my new passion. I cried when she told me that I was not just a friend but her family. I don't need to be good to earn her love because she loves me for who I am. I procrastinate a lot and I am a bit messy. I am afraid of calling people and I am not confident. But she always supports me and believes in me. She pushes me a bit to go out of my comfort zone. She gives me sincere compliments and feels proud of me. In our apartment, I feel at home. Someday I should buy a poster written friends are the family you choose and hang it on the wall.
loveless offers a new perspective to see friendship as important or even more important than romantic love. When romantic love is constructed as a social norm, we should not forget that friendship plays such an important role in offering emotional support and lifelong happiness. I will modify a sentence in the acknowledgment of my master's thesis to end today's blog.
I believe that a tired heart caused by work, failed romance and any other bullshit in the fucking world can be repaired by love that derives from connecting with friends on life's journey.
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