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How to talk about love

    
one of my favorite movies and books

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”——the fault in our stars

    When we say forever, we know that it can never be a forever because we could die every day or every moment. The commitment is a reckless decision that only people in love will have the courage and certainty to think about a forever with another person in it. It is insane but amazing. 

    Another week of job hunting without progress, but I do have some reflections about my dating life and love in general. One of my friends asked me how I would feel when I am in love. I told her that I felt so happy at the beginning of the relationship that I just want to dance on the street while walking. It feels like you are not walking, but you are flying. The feeling that you are not alone to face the cruel world makes everything seem brighter and gentler to you. I know that being in a relationship is not always happy and reassuring, but if the pain overweighs the happiness, then it is better to leave the toxic relationship. I used to compare dating to job interviews. The swiping process is like scanning CVs. The change of platforms from Bumble to Whatsapp is like a first interview to a second interview, which implies you want to have some real-life contacts. Then there is the final interview which is the first date in the real life. However, a lot of candidates dropped out during the trial period which is the time from the first date to make a kind of commitment such as exclusive dating or a relationship. The dating experience is always about some basic standards and luck (chemistry), just like job hunting. 

    When I was young, I dreamed to become a relationship expert who can solve people's issues in relationships through podcasts. I like to collect different definitions of love and I find it beautiful.

    I was taught if we're born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it's easy. But I'm not sure that's true. It takes strength to know what's right. And love isn't something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is.. when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope. ——Fleabag

    “爱是擦干净你的生活，擦干净你的心”（Love is wiping your life clean and wiping your heart clean）

       C'est le temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose qui fait ta rose si important. ——Le Petit Prince

    These definitions imply love is hope, love is a way of making your life better, and love is investing precious time in someone. For me when I start to like someone, the feeling lights up my life and offers me a small candle so that I can hold it to explore the future in the darkness. Love for me is all about the great and amazing things that make people become kinder and softer. It tells us how to put others' needs on our priority, how to actively communicate with each other's needs, and try to find a balance where both of us can feel happier and more comfortable. In this process, there will be arguments and disagreements. But I also learned a lot by sticking to the relationship despite all the difficulties instead of giving it up easily. The determination of love can be a motivation to envision a future with each other and make the dream come true. Love feels like a home that shelters you and supports you to do what you want despite fear and worries. In this sense, Love is the freedom of following your heart and giving it a try. 

    Even though life can be depressing from time to time, I never feel disappointed about love. 



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