Being a foreigner in Italy

     I just finished my trip in Italy and I like it so much that I can't tolerate hearing Dutch again during the boarding process for my return trip. 

    The good thing about being a foreigner in Italy is that actually I dare to face unknown difficulties compared to my boyfriend, especially the language barrier. We accidentally took the wrong train and came to a neighborhood where you couldn't see any tourists. And I wanted a gelato there so we were waiting in line. There were only Italian speaking in that small shop. I managed to buy the ice cream I wanted in the end and was so happy that I even took a selfie with the ice cream. 

    I may be so good at enduring the embarrassment when I can see that other people try to understand me because I am not speaking the local language or speaking the local language with my own accent, wrong word order, and incorrect pronunciations. In Belgium, I constantly need to figure out what other people talk about and sometimes I feel like I catch some words then I just guess the rest and pretend I understand by just saying 'Ja' or 'Nee', which can sometimes cause me extra troubles and always drain my brain power effortlessly. Therefore, it is the same situation for me to use body language and simple English to communicate with people while my boyfriend can feel intimated because he is worried that other people can not understand him. The language barrier puts him suddenly in a more vulnerable position. He is no longer my translator in Belgium but a foreigner in Italy guided by a more experienced foreigner, that is me. 

    The language barrier in Belgium can be a bit subtle and sometimes more frustrating. I understand a bit of Dutch because I took several Dutch courses at the language learning center.  However, when I speak Dutch to other people, they can respond to me in English because they think it will make my life more convenient. It is true for most situations like shopping but definitely not job interviews. Suddenly during job interviews, they speak only Dutch to me and judge me for not speaking the language fluently like a native. That was an intimidating moment for me when I was rejected for a student job because I am not a native speaker even though the content of work can be kitchen work or catering, which only asks a few Dutch vocabularies. I feel like local people only want you here for a short stay but they are not willing to offer you an opportunity to stay permanently. These thoughts can make me feel passive-aggressive, so I would start to think if I don't like Belgium and don't want to live in Belgium forever, these experiences can not hurt me anymore. Because once you connect all these down moments in life to your future in Belgium, you will just feel hopeless. But if I try to make my future expectations uncertain, then I would only see these failures as some incidences and small 'oops' in my trip during my life course. However, another problem is that I can't have a sense of belonging to Belgium. I have a sense of belonging to very specific people like my boyfriend and other besties and things in Belgium but not the country itself. The sad part is when you deal with visas, you have to face the country institution itself. Then suddenly I am down to earth, not living in my small but sweet circle anymore. 

    Being a foreigner in Italy is better than that in Belgium? I doubt that. When we switch from travel mode to study or work mode, life is always more difficult. The good part is I am still thinking about all the complex associations between language, country, and identity. So I guess I am still myself to some extent after all the ups and downs.